SKITTLERS - Chappers blog
Chappers Blog 05/04/07

Well you’ve probably read the highlights if you can call them that from Neils headlines. We iz relegated! Was it down to the loyal true battlers who struggled to take on the top of the table heavyweights the Corinthians or had us band of deluded fools been tiliting at windmills for too long already. We had struggled to even get a team together tonight with half the regulars choosing to avoid the embarrassment of the night with conveniently booked trips. Lord Rob had gone via private jet to the ends of the earth Australia to get away from it all. Bod had taken the family on his scooter to Woolacombe and rumour has it he was late to arrive due to heavy traffic on Preston Road. Editor Dex had the weakest excuse merely proving who wears the trousers in his house by letting his woman go out on a Thursday (the scandal of it) and staying in baby sitting. That left resolute Captain Clarky, steadfast Hyder, undefeatable Coll and thirsty me. We roped in both super subs our own emergency service Rus & font of all skittling knowledge the Coach.

It’s a while since we played at The Beehive and its changed hands and smartened up a little bit. The flooded floor in the gents bogs has been drained and the carpet has been replaced by a highly varnished wooden floor. The beer is still Henrys although I had to be careful how I pronounced it as Henri’s as in the Arsenal player is not revered in this pub. To avoid further confusion I opt for the rather nice guest ale St George and The dragon as I iz a patriot. Coll on the other hand sticks with the Irish pint and Hyder has a Australian girlie. Coll is not up to his usual catalogue kid style having gone all sporty spice on us. He blames Clare’s tardiness with post Cornwall break washing. He is also in a bad mood as Tottenham are losing the UEFA Cup game live on telly before his eyes. The alley is a small walk across the car park and again it has been tidied up a bit with that feminine touch of pastel curtains adding to the alley ambiance. Music is piped to the alley and to the sounds of Down Down Deeper and Down we get off to a great start. Coll blasts a 14 spare, I hit 3 strikes for 6, then Clarky pulls off a contender for spare of the season by taking the even tougher 2 of front pin and backer with deadly accuracy. We were feeling ok at this time but should have read the signs when the makeshift bottom with Hyder as anchor could only muster 6,5,5. Hyder even went so far as to shart just as he was about to blast his ball down the alley and either it was nerves or just that residual damp feeling but he was useless, all power and no result. 49 hit from a glorious start and if we could all get into Coll and Clarky mode we could do this. Rus played off then hitting 42 in total mixing 6 & 8 across the alley. Hyder thanked him for turning up and pointed out that despite the stick he had taken this year for being a part timer (justified shift work) he had still completed more games than Lord Rob (justified shaft work?)

A quick turn around sees us back in the alley and 4 up. Coll is still determined and opens with a 9 that could’ve been a spare. Then the downward spiral gets to the alley and the only remaining highlight is a 7 from Coach which says something. Hyder despite his sexual prowess is still throwing blank missiles and dances to Baby love really hurts without you.36 hit and nothing to be proud of. Coll is distracted could be his over full stomach. He and Gra exchange stories of Cottage pie for tea only Coll topped his off with toad in the hole and chips. Eating like that he should look like the big man himself but a regular 3 times a day keeps him lean. Could also have been his joggers as he cant leave himself alone. All this distraction sees him open a poor top half with 5,6,6. Russ has bagged us an 8, Coach another 7 and then Big H under my guidance returns to his spin to win technique and musters a 9 at last. 41 hit we peaked to early. 

Out in the bar conversation re Peter Crouch and beer prices. I got the scratchings in and to Hyder’s annoyance they had no Bacon Fries. He made the barmaid check 5 times before announcing to the entire pub that Bakon fries were off. Coach meanwhile had got 4 beers in at a cost of £12.80, which worked out £3.20 per pint. The barmaid offered to rectify her overcharge mistake by deducting it of the next round that we all volunteered to pay for. After some renegotiation a discounted Guinness was magiked up and peace was restored.

Back to the alley to find our hopes lying in tatters around the scoreboard. 8 down and they were on the up. Coll was not to take it lying down and started to believe himself as a captain’s cup contender. He smashed a 12 spare then asked for the scorebook so that he could prove to coach he had once hit 63 this season. No one was that impressed and we continued on our self-destruct course limping to 42 and 40 across the board. Hyder dancing like an Egyptian didn’t help nor did a resurgence of body popping. We left the alley leaving Hyder behind trying to Oust the skittle alley bog fragrance he had donated.

Chase the ace in the Bar gave two of the oddest hands ever with ace swapped for ace swapped for ace and Hyder losing. A good Coach approved shuffle and then 4 queens came out at once knocking Coach himself out. I picked up the cash from Steve in the final. 

Last hand in the alley and we are 16 down. Hyder dances to Borderline whilst singing something totally different. Coll takes a pittance of a tote at 56. I was lowest 32 beaten into that position by Coach 35. Hyder spun up to 39, Rus bagged 42 and Clarky 44. 248 hit our lowest since the turn of the year. Our fate is confirmed and we are going down. Not that we are sacking the manager but Clarky confirms it is time to step down and bring in fresh blood to get us back into Divi 1 next year. It needs to go to vote but for the record Coll gets mine. He did bugger all last time round bar delegate but on tonight’s sheer doggedness and never say die attitude he has grown into the role. Lets remember that he is ten years younger than us and didn’t really have the maturity to pull off the position when he was only 12. A cup game and a irrelevant last league game then time to rebuild over the summer.
Thursday, 5 April 2007
Chappers Mind - Blog 05-04-07