SKITTLERS - Chappers blog
Chappers Blog 1/02/2007

January is over and so is my little liver holiday. 8am and I am considering pouring real ale over my weetabix. Hell I have lasted all Jan without Henrys and co so a few more hours wont hurt. I text the lads to remind them of my growing thirst. Foresters arms tonight and last time we were there they had a decent selection of real ale so I wonder what’s on guest tonight. The driving lottery texts start by mid morning along with a new twist to pre match banter with emails flying all over. I think about going for a lunch time pint but work is too busy. Bod has agreed to pick up the entire team in his vw golf, how we will all fit in I don’t know. Sadly with Bod driving that means we will not be having early doors and indeed with 1st pick up at Coll’s at 8.30 its gonna be touch and go whether we make it on time. I resist going for a swift one after work and head home to await Bod. 8.45 and he arrives in some big people carrier type thing. I cant remember him telling us he had a new car so either he hot wired it or the bit of the conversation when he told us about his new wheels was at the end of one of his convoluted monologues and I power napped right through it. Anyways plenty of room and The View banging on the stereo do the job as he does the rounds. Everyone is commenting with surprise about the car so it couldn’t be just me who missed it. We phone to warn Rob that we are on our way and tell him were crammed in a Micra. 8.59 sees us outside Robs manor house and Bod goes to knock on his door. We remind him that we are already running late but oh know he is over the threshold and inviting himself in for a mini tour. We crank up the stereo to annoy Robs neighbours and this does the trick as they rush to the car before they get a chance of moving upstairs to sight see the ensuites. Bod drives like a mad man through village lanes to the Forrester’s where we pour in and make our apology’s for being late and hoping the opposition don’t want to claim the game. 9.10 sees my first beer of the year passed to me, a pint of golden eagle. Even then I practice restraint and wait for it to settle and clear. The anticipation is killing me and by 9.15 I begin to wonder if it will ever clear. Wait a whole bloody month and I get a bad pint! Sod it, I drink it any way and call for IPA on the next round. Oh it’s good to be back.

I had offered to go anchorman tonight as Dex had been coming across a bit angry in his texts and maybe he was feeling the pressure. Everyone else had other ideas and would rather I was on early as possible and asked me to play off all my hands before the return to beer kicked in. Cheeky buggers. Usual formation tonight with Gra out for work. They went on first and set up a reasonable target. The alley at the Foresters adjoins the bar in a separate room. Only trouble tonight was the darts were on and the dart player with the traditional darts players physique was chalking up on a score board that over hung the entrance way to the alley and between them there was no way in or out. After some polite wrangling we got into the alley and there we had to stay for the rest of the evening, which was all a bit weird. Only women’s skittles stay in the alley whilst the opposition skittle and whilst we may have been in touch with our feminine sides over the past few weeks women we are not. The cards didn’t even come out tonight and we had to make do with mature conversation for a while ( at least till the ale kicked in).

We got off to a good start pulling 2 on the first hand and then Coll & Dex went large to top and tail the 2nd hand with a 17 spare each. Another decent hand on the third and we were well up (nearly 30 as I recall) Rob was skittling well despite itchy dandruff in his love rug, which we put down to mite migration up his crab ladder. Steve is playing with gusto and has his own spare chance. I’m being consistently average and Bod is looking for ways to spin the alley but falls short and does scratchings. 

We drink beer and chat like men do about, Guitar Hero, Work & Football. Coll was pleased Hyder wasn’t there to rib him about the Spurs but luckily the opposition had picked up from reading Dex’s player profile on the Web he was a Spurs fan and filled in nicely for Hyder. Too much beer and not enough practice meant I had a full bladder and had to break the seal early. I took a trip to the bogs and just as I was on my way Dex gave me a Website Flyer to put somewhere. I wasn’t thinking straight and after placing the card behind some giant saw blade on the wall went into the wrong room. It wasn’t till I was mid flow I realised my error. It was the nicer than usual smell, lack of stand up facilities, tampon machine and invite to Debbies slimmers world that finally gave it away. I bolted the door behind me so I wouldn’t have some girlie coming in, made sure I didn’t pee on the seat and left it down so there were no give away signs. I paused for a second to listen to the corridor outside and escaped from the ladies with no one noticing. Upon recalling my adventure to Dex he was intrigued to hear they have both Condom & Tampon machines in the ladies. He complained bitterly that us men don’t get those luxuries and just once in a while he would like the opportunity to go home with tampons and tell his good lady that he ‘is not in the mood’.

On the alley whilst we watched the opposition had their big hand .We went average so they pulled back 16 however we still managed to cling on to our 14 pin lead going into the last. They then had a mare (28) leaving us only 15 to win which the top half finished off easily. Col took tote and with luck could have been a Doctors cup contender himself. I was joint bottom with Bod on 40. Everyone else did bloody well to give us another pair of vital points in our survival battle.

Apparently we had done the double over these boys so it was a pleasure when they didn’t hold any grudges and came out with arguably the best grub so far this season. Burgers in Baps with proper onion rings and chips with dips (well ketchup). Easily a contender and whilst Merriot’s faggots were good we all regretted them the morning after. So with full bellies and 2 points we depart in the new Bod mobile to embark on our 100 mile round robin trek home. Cant remember what time it was when I was dropped of home to share with my wife the great news that Beer Bottom would be returning tonight and best open the windows.
Thursday, 1 February 2007
Chappers Mind - Blog 01-02-07