Chappers Mind - Blog 11-01-07

Chappers Blog 10/01/2007 Blogs back- After the Christmas break and taking last week of to watch Brazil play in green and white at Huish Park its back to the serious business of avoiding relegation. Last week we got stuffed again by the league leaders, there is no surprise in that. Full squad tonight and captain is dropped. Seems like an age since we played at the Armoury so it’s nice to be back. A test of my will power tonight as I have decided to abstain from alcohol all through January so Henrys will be a strong pull. Turns out that its an even bigger match than I thought as we are playing the noisy young upstarts from Stoke who are the only ones in the league with just 6 points like us. Big point relegation battle then so bring it on. Steve Tom and I arrive 1st having called in at Robs temporary residence as he is moving tomorrow to the sticks. I pick Appletise as my harmless poison while everyone else enjoys what looks to be a smooth creamy Henry’s. Gra and Col arrive looking like they have been on a snogathon with each other. Hyder is plastered in pink lip salve making him look like some large Wendy James transvestite looky likey. He gets defensive about it and blames his childhood skin condition, Col is wearing a bit too and his excuse is that they do it on Hollioaks. Col and Gra are Robs removal team this weekend and were going to wind him up by both wearing bandages in on their hands saying they couldn’t help. By the amount they bitch about not being able to carry the heavy stuff, what time are the bacon rolls, what’s being provided for dinner, do they really have to start before 10.30am and does his new place have sky sports I wonder how efficient they will be anyway. Rob does his best to placate them by offering Karen’s services to hang out the window holding the sky dish to achieve the perfect signal. Dex arrives looking totally mellow. He has been offering hugs by text all afternoon to all and sundry believing that we are getting to negative with some of our own text messages. He is told were to stick his hugs but that doesn’t seem to put him off and nothing can dent his cheery good nature. The opposition arrive without a sticker up so Tom is on double bubble and we get the game going. Coll opens with a 6 and I follow with the same. Rob is just about to go to the alley when shock of shocks Bod arrives. Its only 9.10 so traffic must have been good on Preston Road tonight. He parks his scooter and starts his usual annoying delaying tactic of having a 15-minute conversation before even going to the alley. I try and reason with him to get a move on as Tom is on his own and its going to be a long night otherwise. Bod just ignores me which I react to and Dex offers me the first of his hugs. He is determined and I relent. Hyder wants in on the hugging whilst Bod skittles although he cant stop humping Neil’s leg at the same time. Even this over zealous doesn’t dampen Neil’s spirit. Hyder pretends he was simply dancing but Col refutes this, as everyone knows dancing can only involve one leg at a time. Rob means business and takes his sensible winter jumper off whilst he skittles. Hyder means business as he is throwing with even more gusto even with his slinky shoes and Dex means business, as there is money on it. Captain Clarky plays as irrelevant on the bottom to contest the tote. Well we play chase the ace which Col wins, drink beer and Appletise, discuss Robs stag do again, how long ago it was we went to the horny bridge and the Shit Lottery. Every week after skittles someone texts to describe their shit the next morning and which we refer to as the shit lottery. It all depends on who drinks and eats what and you can never tell who is gonna win (although its often Bod). On my form of Appletise I don’t think I’m gonna win that one. We play two more hands of average skittles leaving us 12 down at halfway. Dex has got the scratchings and the Stokies have been that loud that Martin the Landlord has had to turn up the jukebox so loud to drown them out the walls are pulsing and the speakers are likely to fall off their mounts. All to play for then in the second half and we are a second half team. 47 on the fourth hand and a monster hand on the 5th with both Coll and me in the spare club for the evening. Clarky is having a good night so its just a shame his score doesn’t count. Rob & Coll get hugs from Dex. Hyder is trying to sing every song on the jukebox even when he doesn’t know the words. Some twat in the bar keeps putting Christmas songs on and we have to endure Jim Reeves amongst others. Bod admits he is so slow due to his general inability to multitask i.e. skittle and chat at the same time. To appease for time wasting he takes to helping Tom stick up as time is ticking on and he has school tomorrow. We pull back some of the deficit but not as much as we had hoped and are 3 down. Last hand and we could use another biggie. It doesn’t quite materialize and we leave them needing 43 to win. There lowest hand tonight has been 44 so slim chance. We play cards and eats pies whilst they finish off the evening and by the sound of it easily win the points, pushing us further into relegation mire. Clarky won the tote and even lowest score doesn’t stop Dex smiling as he heads of into the night to give the Nippy bus driver a hug. As we walk home my stomach starts to bubble and I’m glad we are making good speed home. I knew as I closed my bathroom door that I was about to be making the earliest ever win in the Lottery. All my numbers came up. Appletise my arse.

Thursday, 11 January 2007