SKITTLERS - Chappers blog
Chappers Blog 15/02/2007

Its Thursday and its back to business as usual. After the distraction of the Pairs cup last week were back in Division one action. We need to keep the winning momentum going if we are to stay up this year. UTUP says it all on the text. Bod is in Leeds working so a good chance of finishing on time tonight. Gra has girl flu so our emergency AA man Rus is coming to demonstrate his Dorset flop. The lovely Mrs Captain picks us up in the Clarke mobile and we are off to our home alley. 

Martin the landlord is on another bloody holiday. If he can spend so much time out of the country he must be charging us too much for his beer. Still the Henrys goes down smooth whatever the cost for Captain and me. Russ is on the 6x and by the time I shout in a Foster for Dex an OJ for Rob and a Guinness for Coll the gang is all here. Bubbly Beccs behind the bar tries to wind us up by telling us that the game is off but she is useless at lying. I ask her to say I am a good barmaid and she struggles with that! The opposition make good time from Tintinhull and in a manoeuvre of mind games Captain Clarkey manages to lose the toss but double bluff them into putting us on first.

Coll opens up as usual and boy is he trying hard. Beats himself up over an 8 (missed the front pin) then hides in the corner after letting go a Scampi ridden fart that sounded like a cat crawling from his ass. He is as embarrassed by the sound as the smell. I cut my way through the fumes to produce a hard working 6, Captain pitches a thankless 5, Russ a 7, Rob a cool 8 then Dex wakes us all up with a smashing 16 spare. 50 on the board and there is a game on.

The opposition have chalked themselves up as TIC, TAC, TOE, TEC,TONK & TUCK so god knows who we are playing against but gladly they have only made 44 so we are 6 up. I suggest we change our own names to BING BANG BONG BOOGA WOOGA AWAOOGA which doesn’t get much support. We are in good mood and Rob gets the spare this time 14 with Dex tidying up another 50 hand. The third hand sees a consistent turn from us all with Captain finally moving away from5’s. Rob is looking worried about his skittling so to motivate him I threaten to bring my kids around for a visit at the weekend if he doesn’t get 9, which does the job. Dex and Gra have already visited Bobs Manor House which is Somerset’s newest wet weather attraction. Not quite national trust but Gra’s kids enjoyed playing in the shower cubicle. Steve picks up the scratchings honour and we have hit two respectable hands.

Conversation about the new Simon Pegg film (Coll recommends),Top Gear, Nippy bus cuts& the brits whilst we play chase the ace. I am in feisty mood and scare the lads with my celebration as I take out 2 9’s with a queen to win the pot. 

We have pulled again but they pulled a little back on the third so not much in it. Coll misses another spare chance and I don’t. I am mid spare celebration when I realise to my horror that Dex has the camera out and caught the Chappers Shuffle. Still 14 for me and the team is looking good. Rus asks for the centre pin to be realigned prior to launching his Dorset flop and hits every pin bar the one that was moved. Coll finally clocks their sticker ups pants and he is almost put of skittles for life. I must be getting old but in my day you kept your pants under wraps. The oppositions sticker would have the biggest builders bum in history if he hadn’t pulled his White Boxers up to his belly button and his belt tucked underneath his ass. I try the look briefly for myself but after calls of derision from my colleagues put my polyester Y fronts away. Bet Coll is sporting that Yooff look next week. He must have channelled his energy’s as he finally takes one of his spare chances. I point out that my percentage take down on spare chances is much better than his as I must be on 4 for 4 this season. Two more good hand and it’s back to the bar.

We talk about Police Academy for ages as Rob thinks Eddie Murphy was in it. Valentines was also a popular subject with Coll getting top marks for romance having gone to the trouble of scouring all the local garages for the best card at 8.30 last night. He’s gonna buy 3 for £1 in Asda next year to save himself the trouble. Rob didn’t bother with a card as he just christened another room in the west wing of Bob Manor. We played 7-card brag but the pot kept going so quickly it wasn’t worth having and before long we were on for our last hand.

We were well up and set a healthy target. Coll took tote with a Hyder average chasing score. I hit a personal best of 50. Captain pulled up the rear with 42, guest beer Russ 45 and 51,50 from Rob & Dex set us up for the win.

Back in the bar Beccs was bored so came over to deliver our food with a smile. I not quite sure if she was being sarcastic or flirting when she said there is a nice bone in all of us? Steve couldn’t manage to find a hole for his sausage in the bread roll so had to make his own. When it started to fall out the other side he realised he had it upside down. The krypton factor beckons for him!  
The lovely Clare comes to pick us up again and whilst we wait we decide on our new Web site feature of Skittlers wives. What better way to thank our long suffering other halves than to put their pictures on the web for all to see? Must be a bit of the Valentines romance flowing in us all still. Time to go home to do something about it.
Thursday, 15 February 2007
Chappers Mind - Blog 15-02-07