SKITTLERS - Chappers blog
Chappers Blog 5/10/06

Here we go again. Thank god for Thursday & Skittles. I have had such a shit week that poor old Steve doesn’t get a word in as I unload on him on our way to the pub. Coll & Hyder are already at the bar. Coll has given up with the Hollyoak image and is wearing his Colin Montgomery just off the 18th hole gear. Hyder bless him is wearing my shirt. He ordered another team shirt the same as his for me. Only problem was it was exactly the same including his name on the back. Better luck next week. Theakstons Grouse Beater is on special and boy is it special. Hits the spot nicely with a slightly citrus tang. Dex Nippies in bringing the roll over tote in his pocket. Captain tosses up against Let em roll and we are off to the alley.

Let Em Roll are from the Foresters and a friendly enough bunch. Just promoted from Division 2 this year. We have to get a win and try and lift ourselves from the basement of the league table. Playing order and team selection is of the more traditional nature and Coll opens. 7 for starters and it seems like that’s the mark for the team as we all follow suit bar Steve who shines on 9. Someone reminds Dex it’s a rollover tote and Mr Moneybags steps up a gear to open with what could be his largest spare of the season so far 14. Nice start but still missing Bod’s contribution so we head to the bar.

Conversation centres on Coll & Hyder one of whom has just enjoyed a weekend at home on his own and the other who is just about to endure it. It would appear that Hyder having slobbed out on jumbo chips & beer left his empties all over the floor. Innocent enough until his mother found him out and automatically assumed he can’t cope without his good lady and left alone for any time and he would be a candidate for Kim & Aggie. Coll on the other hand is worried who is gonna make his Sandwiches and dinner with Clare away. Still he has plenty of cleenex in. Bod fights his way through Preston Road traffic to arrive just as we are about to go back to the alley. He is still in his combat shorts unlike big H who has dropped the flip flops and peddle pushers heading for more suitable seasonal wear.

Bod joins the 7 club to finish the first hand and we are up a little. Coll whistles for 6, Me a tidy 9, Captain steady 8 (although should have had a spare) Bod spins a 9, Hyder blasts 8, Dex clears 9. Nice team hand. Coll is disappointed with his 8 and swears loudly mother funster. It is at this point I would like to record that Coll asked for a retraction on last weeks bad language as it was Hyder who swore at the Barman and he wouldn’t dream of using the Anglo Saxon tongue. I hit 6 and ever watchful of the scratchings am relieved to see Coll is in pole position there. Captain 7, Bod 8. Hyder ties Coll with 6 and Dex who doesn’t have to worry about scratchings even before he throws manages 7. Hyder loses spoof and a relieved Coll avoids boosting his scratchings record.

Over scratchings and Dry Roasted we chase the ace whilst planning Robs stag do. Maybe premature but he may have proposed in Turkey if not eloped completely. We know he’s changed. If he hasn’t then every end of season do will be a practice round until he finally pops the question. I’m sure Rob will be pleased to know we have it all organised – Dublin by plane from Brizol. 

Out to the alley again and we are still just up. Close game. Coll having gone near on the scratchings bit is motivated to 8. I’m on the alley and feeling good. I’m just about to throw when Bod pulls out his Vicks Sinus Buster. He’s had it since he was 7 but it still does the job. He gives everyone a demonstration of how effective it is but removes it too quickly. A large green projectile hurtles across the room and splats on the alley in front of me. It’s amazing I managed 6 with that. Steve hits 8 as do Bod, Gra and Neil. Team! Coll does 9 and I sneak off to snake the shake so that the full bladder doesn’t put me off. I read the fly-posted notice in the urinal and I notice that the ever enterprising Neil has put one in the Johnny machine so that the next Mr Loverman will get a bonus tip. That’s better so back to the alley for 9.Steve Hits 7 and Bod 5.Whilst I have been gone Hyder has taken some stick over his shirt. Steve has placed an order for the team shirt but states he doesn’t need one in the XXL. Denis Russos and Millets are mentioned. It is with no surprise then when he vents his miffedness on the alley and hurtles a hundred mile an hour missile down the alley that barely touches the ground before smashing 9. Neil looks quite girlie (steady on. Ed.) in comparison as he sensibly skittles 7. Conversation somehow gets onto daily bowel movements. Col goes at least 4 times a day and thinks I’m weird when I admit I go every 36 hours. Gra is horrified at this until he realises that 36 hours is not 3 days. Duh Delamare. For the record and so we never have to talk about it again Neil, Bod & Steve are regular daily men often after the first coffee of the morning. 

7-card brag opens in the bar and Hyder can’t win despite getting prial after prial. Nice to see Let em roll are card men too and therefore have no issue with us playing. Well we are Liquor & Poker (does what it says on the tin). Conversation of tomorrows impending football game and Bod being unable to go because he’s going to a barn dance pass the time but nobody can pick up the pot before its time to go back to the alley.

It’s all about points and pounds now. We are up and should win this with a good hand. Neil is looking on at the roll over tote with fondness and Coll is shepherding the card pot until we return. 5 for Coll sees him respectable but bottom on 44 and not enough to protect his average. I hit 8 for 45 that perversely will help my average. Steve 9 (48) Bod 8 (45) Gra 7 (45) & Dex 8 for the money (53). Good enough for us and even Yvonne the landlady came to watch and cheer us or was she just trying to find where Martin the Landlord was skiving off?

We finish the brag and the money stays in Coll’s pocket before Hyder’s food of choice turns up (Pie Chips & Beans). Bod is again spooning the bean remnants direct from the bowl. Chris the sticker arrives to confirm our 7 pin victory and to try and prise some beans from Bod. 3 cheers for Let em roll. Captain exchanges some new table skittles pins for payment with Yvonne, which shuts her up nicely. 2 points in the bag & 4 Grouse Beaters in the belly maybe life isn’t so bad after all.
Thursday, 5 October 2006
Chappers Mind - Blog 05-10-06